IM IN OVER MY HEAD

So the last time I wrote a blog post, it was telling you about how I left WPU. The blog before that was telling how I found out I needed hip surgery. WELP. A lot has happened since then. I got the hip surgery about 12 weeks ago, but I posted about it on my Facebook Page (Im Too Turnt). So heres where I am at now: Throughout my recovery, I was healing, moving around, and doing my physical therapy a lot faster than anyone expected. But we kind of just brushed it off, and so did the doctors, cause hey! I'm young! I heal fast! The first time I noticed that God was working in my recovery is when my grandma passed away, and I flew to ohio at only about 5 weeks after surgery to attend her memorial service. It was hard on my whole family, but throughout the flights and all the crutching around I had to do, my hip barely hurt. After hardly getting sleep at home due to being uncomfortable in my bed, I slept completely fine in the hotel bed. God knew that I needed to be there for my family, and that was his first sign, and proof, that he could heal my hip whenever he wanted to. At 8 weeks I was allowed to walk without crutches, and 2 days later we went to my sisters college graduation at Liberty University. TWO DAYS after I started putting full weight onto my new hip, I walked all around the huge campus for hours for two days straight, and never once had a problem. Everytime I have visited liberty I've had a kind of sadness in me, feeling like theres no way I could go to a school so big. Especially one on mountains!! After leaving WPU and having my surgery, I had been trying to figure out what to do in the fall. I could continue doing online classes, maybe go to wake tech? but nothing felt right. When I got home from the graduation weekend, it kind of all hit me at once. I have to go to liberty. It sounds bad to say I "have to go" cause I've always wanted to go, but thats what I felt. I was in my room late at night, asking God, "What am I supposed to do??!! I can't walk!!!" I can't walk so how the heck am I going to go to Liberty! It makes no sense!! Then God slapped me in the face and said "You can walk when I want you to walk. Don't doubt me." It was like my entire recovery was God proving to me that he can heal me to do his plan. He knows that this is what I need right now. Then the song, "my revival" by Lauren daigle started playing on my phone. Immediately I knew the words of that song was God promising the words to me: I will run and not grow weary I will walk, I will not faint I will soar on wings like eagles Find my rest in Your everlasting name You are my revival Jesus on You I wait I'll lean on Your promise You will renew my strength The simple words from that song brought such hope to my soul.
I met Lauren daigle a couple weeks before my surgery at winter jam, she stopped me in the line of people getting her signature to tell me that I was beautiful and had a strong and kind soul, and that God has big plans for my life. With her being one of my favorite christian singers, and her lyrics meaning so much to me, this was so clearly a sign from God too. 

The next day I applied to Liberty, within a week I was accepted and began the process to be able to attend this fall. Everything fell so perfectly into place, it was God. I have aways had horrible anxiety problems, and I hate the unknown. Not having a plan TERRIFIES me. Throughout this process, I have no plan, yet I have no fear.
I FEEL CONTENT.
No other plan felt right, I felt God so strongly tell me to go to liberty, that I felt wrong doing anything else. While God told me to trust him, I also had a strong feeling that my fear will try to stop me. Going into this knowing that Im going to struggle, is helping me to overcome the struggles. Expecting the fear, helps me to push through it. I listened to "in over my head" by Bethel and cried. "In Over My Head" I have come to this place in my life I'm full but I've not satisfied This longing to have more of You And I can feel it my heart is convinced I'm thirsty my soul can't be quenched You already know this but still Come and do whatever You want to I'm standing knee deep but I'm out where I've never been And I feel You coming and I hear Your voice on the wind Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in Let love come teach me who You are again Would you take me back to the place where my heart was only about You And all I wanted was just to be with You Come and do whatever You want to And further and further my heart moves away from the shore Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours And further and further my heart moves away from the shore Whatever it looks like, whatever may come I am Yours Then You crash over me and I've lost control but I'm free I'm going under, I'm in over my head Then you crash over me, and that's where You want me to be I'm going under, I'm in over my head Whether I sink, whether I swim It makes no difference when I'm beautifully in over my head Whether I sink, whether I swim It makes no difference when I'm beautifully in over my head I'm Beautifully in over my head It feels so nice to know so deeply that this is what you're supposed to be doing. I went into this knowing that my anxiety is going to be through the roof, and I'm going to have a hard time, but I also went into it knowing that God knows that. So I guess this is my way of telling you guys that I'm going to liberty this fall!!! I am so terrified, but Im so prepared to be terrified.