I can't

I feel like I cant do this anymore. I hate not being able to do the things I want to! I spend most my days either in my bed or on the couch, while my friends tell me about how much fun they are having. I just want to be a normal teenage girl. I want to be able to do my school work without my mind going blank.  I want to be able to play sports without being in pain. I want to be able to sleep. I want to be able to walk around the mall with my friends without having to take a break and sit down. I don't want people to keep asking how i'm doing or feeling. No offense to anyone, but I don't want to feel old! When Im sitting I cant get up without help, or without leaning on something. I can barely walk up stairs. I hate this all. I have forgotten what normal feels like. People ask if i'm "feeling back to normal" and I don't know how to respond. I don't know how to explain that this sickness IS my new normal. That there is never going to be a day when I feel the same "normal" they do. I feel as if all my freedom has been taken away. Its been a couple weeks since I was diagnosed.....and i'm finally realizing that this is never going away. I am going to have to deal with this the rest of my life. People tell me to "hang in there" and that "its all going to be okay." But, I don't feel like hanging in there sometimes, and I don't feel like its all going to be ok. How am I supposed to live my life like this?? With so much pain everyday. I don't know how to keep doing this.