Am I better??

I know I haven't posted in a while, and I'm sorry for that!! Lifes just been a little crazy trying to keep up with school work, while commuting, and all that stuff. But heres a little update.


After a crazy appointment with a crazy doctor (read my moms blog to get it) we figured out I have a labral tear in my left hip. So thats fun. So we tried to figure out what that meant, and how to fix it, but that doctor just didn't want to help us. So we went to our EDS specialist, he told us that right now the only thing we can do is physical therapy and in 2 months if its not getting better, then we go to a hip specialist and maybe get surgery. But I don't want to think about that, what I do know right now is that I can walk more. My doctor told me that unless I move my hip past its normal range of motion (which I do naturally…..) walking won't hurt it. Yeah walking will hurt me….but it won't make the injury worse. SO. I started using crutches to get around and thats when people started with the "YOURE GETTING BETTER!! YAY YOURE HEALED!!"……




At times I've also started to walk with only the brace and not the crutches because they are doing more damage to my arms than they are helping my hip. Using the wheelchair one day….to using the wheelchair the next. That really confuses people.



so that led me to think…..Am I getting better?




My hip only hurts slightly less than it did when I was in the hospital, and thats because of the pain meds. Ive just learned how to deal with this pain, just like I've learned how to live with the other pain I have. I find myself constantly needing reassurance from myself, and sometimes others, that I am actually injured. Maybe its because I've been taught my whole like from doctors and peers that I'm faking everything and nothings wrong with me.




but after getting stabbed in both hips and put into an MRI machine for two hours.


I got two things:





This cool picture of a needle in my hip

And actual picture, documented proof, that I'm not crazy. A visible tear in my labrum. Nice.



I guess its just nice to have proof after every test coming back saying I'm completely normal and nothings wrong with me.


But do I really need their validation?

Im just trying to ignore the stupid people that don't understand me and my life, cause I know that my hurt is valid. I know that my hurt can be healed by God. I don't need all the doctors or all the kids in my classes, or strangers who don't know me, to know the truth. They can think what they think because my God KNOWS the truth.


I say this every time but I am so thankful for my loving family and close friends that make me feel validated and don't make me feel like I'm faking it all. I am so lucky to have such a great support system.

so now as I try to continue my life as a freshman in college, I will not feel weird about needing a wheelchair one day and walking the next day. My body is mine, and I need to treat it kindly.