Anxiety.

I told myself that I would be honest through this blog, so here goes. 

I have struggled with anxiety for a long time, neither myself nor my parents realized how bad it was until a couple years ago when I started having panic attacks. At the beginning I didnt understand that they were panic attacks, or even what that was until my mom brought it up to my doctor and I was put on medication. That was such a relief, symptoms I didnt even know were from my anxiety started to disappear, but they didnt help completely. The medication pretty much just took the edge off everyday so I could function better, but certain things and certain situations still cause me lots of anxiety and I still have panic attacks. Because my mom has had problems with anxiety and panic attacks she was able to help calm me down, but it didnt always help, and she wasn't always there. 

After countless nights of not sleeping, lonely panic attacks, and feeling paralyzingly anxious about silly little things, I found a simple solution.

JESUS. 

Seems so simple, but yet so hard to figure out sometimes.

I learned that simply laying down, and listening to a playlist I made of Kari jobe, steffany gretzinger, and bethel songs, I would find peace. 

PEACE. In the midst of such worry, God would calm me. These songs are Gods way of saying to me, "hey, I got this. I love you. Things will be ok." 

No matter the medicine I am on, the techniques I learned from therapists,  or my moms soothing words, the only thing that has ever calmed me down is God through these songs. 

So with everything so crazy and stressful in my life, especially these days, I knew I needed a constant reminder of these songs, and of Gods love for me. For those scary times when I don't have access to the songs, or when I'm in public and the crowds make me shaky. I wanted to remember to focus on him, not me. 

Thats why I got this; 

The words "You won't lead me where you don't go." from the song "We Dance" by Bethel

To make it extra special, its in my moms handwriting.

I wanted it close to my heart to constantly remind me, and to keep it to myself. I posted this picture, (and this blog), because I decided that even though this is so personal to me, that maybe I could help someone through this, and through my experiences.